A Return To Love – Shannie Alvarez

After a long winter and being couped up indoors, you can sense the happiness all around you as you step into the first glimpse of spring. The sun comes out, and even though it is still cold out, the smiling people around you reveal they are feeling good about things too…

I put on my rollerblades and went down to the pier. With my earbuds in, I cranked up my favorite music. I whipped up and down the winding trails soaking up the warm sun, the view, and the cool air on my cheeks. The experience was magical bliss.

I like to study things. I like studying my own behaviour but also others. Human behaviour is very predictable. Lately, I have been very grateful. I am grateful because I have everything that I need. I am able to sit and enjoy what is but only for about a second. Everything that I want, I either have, or I get. In my mind I want and then I get. I suppose this is the wheel that keeps us all rolling the same way?

I am always wanting something and then having to get it. That is what I do. After I get it, I want something else. Like when I am thirsty, so I dream up what would be the perfect drink that I would want to drink, then I get that drink, but while I am drinking it, I am already thinking about what I want next.

Have you ever seen a murmuration? If you have, you would know it. Seeing hundreds, even thousands, of starlings flying together in a whirling, ever-changing pattern is a phenomenon of nature that amazes those lucky enough to witness it.

What about a school of fish who coordinate their swim, going this way and that way in unison together? How are they able to do that?

The human moves but only within our tiny groups that we congregate within.

Our world is as large as we want it to be. For most of us, our world consists of a husband or a wife, and children. Possibly, we have a larger community that we are also associated with; a religious group, or whatever kind of group that enhances one’s self belief and esteem.

But God is not confined to groups. God is in all of us and among all of us at all times the same. This is what is hard for the human being to grasp. Even though humanity limits God to our own individual small worlds that we have made; God is working through all of us, in all of us, to the whole of us the same.

Even though our minds may reject the fact that we are all interconnected, the absolute fact is that we are. God goes beyond our physicality. It is our hate for the other that keeps us separate. In God’s world, there is only the purest love. There cannot be even the tiniest, microscopic germ of hate within God. The spec of hate instantly creates a gigantic wall.

I found this illustration a few years ago, and it really helped me to see the difference between masculine and feminine thought.

Science has defined that there really is a difference between the male and female brain. As individuals, we all can identify with being both within our own gender identity — Some are more left brain and some are more right.

The more we know about the way we think, the more we can understand the way we believe. The way we believe is the way we perceive who God is. Who we are is a reflection of what we believe.

For me, it is a matter of life and death that I figure myself out. I lost my mind once and no one can identify with that experience except for me. It was incredibly scary. My whole perception of myself was that I was bad, so I perceived the whole world to be seeing me the same way. I was under the constant judgment of myself! Every move was death-defying.

I did not grow up religious, either, except for the understanding that Jesus was the Messiah and that believing in Him would heal and make me whole. I believed in all this fantastic language that the Christians taught, but in our family, we did not have any deep religious practices about it. I just had knowledge about a great man named Jesus who came to save humanity. I actually believed that Christianity was the only religion.

When I became suicidal; on that day, I really thought I would not make it to see another one. I decided to pray to God. I prayed to know Him. I wanted to know Him so that I could live for Him — and so, that is all that I am trying to do. I am just trying to know God. I want to be healed. I want to make sense of who we are. I couldn’t care less about religion because I see how religion looks at the other. Religion hates other religions, which is the biggest contradiction of who God is. God is not hate, He is love. So, religion cannot contain me. I will never commit to one religion. I will only love what is good in all of it.

The greatest commandment all religion identifies with is, “Love God with all your heart, and then love your neighbour as yourself.”

My world has always perceived me as being bad. Being bad became my identity. I believed I was bad. I was an empty shell of a person. I just wanted to be loved and accepted by my peers. But I could not get it out of my brain that I am bad, so I always thought people were looking down upon me. Somehow, I had to reprogram myself but how?

I must learn who God is — God loves me.

I had to start learning about our history and about where this idea of God came from. I believed what I was told. I believed that Jesus is my savior and so did majority. Jesus is Jewish. It became necessary for me to understand the Jew.

The Jew is one world and nonjew is another… We all can identify with that.

So here I am. I am just trying to understand who I am. I am a lot stronger now, so when I hear things that don’t make sense about God, I can stand pretty strong about it to know that it is not a good example of who God really is. God is love. If one cannot see another with love, I question their integrity.

When you attack someone’s beliefs, you are attacking the person. You are attacking what they believe about themselves. This is why we are so sensitive about our religions. Even if we don’t understand them, we stand by them because our religion is who we have become.

The idea is to love and respect one another. I believe it is the highest place with God. When we can love others even when we think we are so different — That is what we have to achieve.

Nonjews do not understand why I think it is important to understand the Jew. Understanding the Jew is the other half of ourselves that is different — nonjews do not define the separation and don’t understand the need to. They just want humanity to be all one. We are becoming more and more confused about our gender identity.

I realize that it is the Jew who agrees with this point of mine. The Jew has always classed us as different and separate. As deep as I go with this idea, I see that they also do too. That is because for them, the nonjew has always been separate from them and can only become one through marriage or conversion to Judaism.

But, converting to Judaism means that you give up your identity. You cannot believe in Jesus. You cannot even ever say anything more about that part of your life again. You will have to completely suppress it and lock away that key forever!!

Since the Jews see the nonjews as separate, so we are. Here we are over here trying to understand God without them. We are trying to understand a Jewish guy without understanding the Jew — no wonder things have gotten so upside down. Because of our hate for each other, we have never been able to learn the true identity of God together. From all the pain we’ve caused one another, we perceive one another in a negative way — seeing the other as being the “bad” one.

This deep seeded belief steams all the way back to the Garden of Eden. The woman is the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Since she chose evil (without God), she turned Adam who is life into death — The blame game started. Lillith is the evil side of Eve. She is the nonjews. Then there is Esau and Jacob and I am still not understanding that story, so well, but these brothers, twins, were disconnected and, today, Jesus is understood by the Jews to be the reincarnation of Esau and Bilaam. Bilaam was a wicked nonjew prophet. It goes on and on… When does it ever end?

When does the man see the woman? When do we see the good in the other?

We do not see that all of humanity works in a murmuration. We all move with one another in synchronicity. We are one, whether we like to be or not. Our resistance to each other is only a resistance to God. We are mirror images of one another. We see each other in an opposite way but our spiritual energy is always one. We are designed to be one brain working together in one heart that loves God.

Oneness is one, so when we learn to become a “helper” to one another, we will see the whole picture of God. It will be easy to see our reaction and perception of the other who we have perceived as being “bad”.

We all surppress our feminine because we like to stay confined to our own safe groups that think exactly alike. But there is a lot more to who we are than the box that we have confined ourselves to.

The diagram above reveals that the feminine uses both sides of the brain. She goes against the physical design. She uses the whole of the self to create the complement of an idea.

Adam is life. He loves the other, the woman who is humanity, who is the tree of knowledge of good and evil. We all are her.

May we learn His love to finally become it.

I'll return to love,
And I'll risk it all,
To give you the world,
And I'll return to love
And I'll stay,
To build a dream,
One more time...

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Shannie Alvarez — A Gentile with a Jewish Heart
#17 on Feedspot 2022’s Top 100 Faith Blogs
#74 on 2022’s Top 100 Jewish Blogs

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