Serving Father Time… – Shannie Alvarez

Purim just finished and I am reflecting. Purim is a Jewish holiday that celebrates events that lead to the salvation of the Jews in a book called Esther. God is not mentioned in the whole book. Today, Jews dress up to observe the occasion wearing masks. As part of the tradition, the idea is to learn to see past the mask and into the real identity of the person. God is hidden, so to speak, so you are supposed to seek to find Him.

The Jew is Hidden

As you know, I am not Jewish, so why is it that I am so obsessed with the Jew? People really have a hard time accepting my facination. From my perspective, though, I don’t understand why. Since the beginning of time, it has always been about trying to understand who God is. The story is told from a perfect garden and that there were two trees — The tree of life and the tree of knowledge of good and evil.

The Bible explains that we are like trees (Psalm 1:3). The Bible uses a language that is poetic to give the reader a visual of who God is. The trees in the garden are like us. The tree of knowlege of good and evil is humanity and the tree of life is God. They are like a man and a woman, yet they are one being.

God is not evil and can only be good, so evil acts create a division between humanity and God. They are never truly separate but in our darkness we cannot see the depth of God because it is “hidden”.

We have to seek to find the beauty of God in His creation to understand that He is in us. The Bible talks about a child of God (Isaiah 53), the prince of peace (Isaiah 9:6), and the light that would help humanity to see God in truth once again (John 14:6).

The Jew is hidden in me and in you.

He is our love. When we love the Jew, we become the Jew. We become healed. We become balanced. We become the image of God. We become love. We become His love. We become ONE.

There was a time when my world was upside down. I was in darkness. I cannot explain to you the mess that my mind was in. All I can say is that I thought I was hopeless. I had no idea what was good, what was bad, and how to be good. I had no direction. I really just wanted to do good and choose the right thing, but every decision was made without any ground in knowing what is good. I was like an infant, thrown out into the streets, and told to survive. The expectations from the world was too much. The things the world said did not make sense. I was suicidal. I could not handle being here. I hated life. I hated myself for not understanding it. I was a failure and that was all I could see.

I was hospitalized and diagnosed with bipolar. I was put on meds and told that I would always need them as my disease to function “normally” was termal. It was confirmed by them that I was a failure, again. My insecurities spiraled out of control and social phobia became my best friend.

The Insanity

You have to be a little insane to seek like me. This world really does hate the Jew. I have experienced it myself. The rejection is fierce! The nonjew hates the Jew and the Jew hates the Jew that the nonjews love. We all cannot make sense of the other, and really, for me, it is the only thing that does not make sense at all!

To me it is obvious that everything has always been about the Jew. I see that the Jew is in all of us. I see that He is hidden!!

The light of God is in all of God’s creation. Why is that so hard to see or to understand? It is because our brain hates our heart. I know because mine did. I hated myself. My hate was so strong, I was slowly killing myself. I fought every second. My brain was telling me to kill myself. It told me things about myself that was opposite to the things I learned about God. I had a 25 year fight with myself, trying to reprogram my wicked mind that just wanted to see me dead.

…Now, I am fighting with the world to tell them the same thing — Stop trying to kill the Jew!!

Yesterday, a Christian man I buy vitamins from, wears a large wooden cross on his chest. He prides himself on his faith in God. But when I said that I was in love with the Jew, he went ballistic stating “What do the Jews have to do with anything?” He was also very defensive about understanding that we are not physcial beings as we are actually spiritual, correcting me to say that I am spiritual and he is physical and I need to get my facts straight.

Well, I agree. The man has continued to oppress the woman and the Jew for the longest time. Really, since the very beginning of time. The man is right and the woman should just shut up about it.

But today there is no shutting us up. The truth is here and we are going to continue to stand by it. We are never going to go away. You will never be able to kill the Jew. The Jew is our truth and our song. We can no longer deny it.

My journey has been one of many ups and downs. My faith is not only my conviction. My faith is my story and my healing journey. I am healed of all of the lies of the world. I do not have bipolar because I am in love.

I sleep like a baby and I don’t need any medications. My anxiety is now under control.

It has been a rough ride and the ride is only time. Time we continue to waste the longer we choose to resist God’s truth.

This world is what is bipolar — Seeing God in it revealed that living is not only about me.

It revealed that the Jew is ONE.

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Shannie Alvarez — A Gentile with a Jewish Heart
#17 on Feedspot 2022’s Top 100 Faith Blogs
#74 on 2022’s Top 100 Jewish Blogs

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